Ship of Thesaurus

All I ever want is to leave behind a mark, a sign something that reminds the world that I lived, that I was here. Isn’t that why we do what we do? So that when someone else walks in our footsteps,  they know where to go. Or, if they’re searching for something, they can find it without wasting their life away needlessly. I wonder how the world would remember me. Will I just be  another speck in an ocean of billions, all trying to reach a meaningful end to what might’ve been an uneventful life? I don’t intend to drown that easily. My voice is loud enough  to reach the right person. My words meant only for their ears. The stories I tell  will live longer than I do. At least that’s how I hope to escape  whatever it is that isn’t me.

I love seeing myself in the mirror, wondering if the person looking back ever goes through the motions as I do. Is he detached from the world? From himself, even? Does he cry, feel as deeply as one should? Or does he judge, stoically,  as my life unfolds  before his eyes? Perhaps this isn’t the future  he imagined for me. I feel his disappointment, like the weight of a breath, heavy and measured. I guess he sees defeat, if defeat could ever look this clear. But then I wonder what keeps him here when he could just walk away, watch the life of someone else, take an interest in what they do. And if he ever did, would he still be me?

In the event things don’t go as planned make something up. Invent a little. The wheel is yours for the taking. Go further than where you began. You weren’t meant to stay still. So why bother sticking around? Be mean. Be meaner.  Become a menace. Hound out the evils from your life. Let them fear you.  They know what you’re capable of. Why let them dim your light when your shine can blind them? And if it all falls apart yet again, circle back. Start over. Redo. It’s not game over  until you cross to the other side.